One and one and one
“Take that bloke next door, for instance. That bloke next door … I mean, I don’t object to him. Barely know him, in fact. But you know, it’s just something. Something about him. You get that feeling,...
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“Hello, is that the Buddhist Chant Peace and Reassurance Helpline? I’m so glad I’ve got through to you, because I’m desperately in need of some reassurance. Maybe if you could chant to me quietly...
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“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been thirty-six years, three months and nineteen days since my last confession. Yes, sorry about that. All I remember is a dark tunnel, a sudden blinding...
View ArticleThe aliens live amongst us
“Aliens, mostly. Definitely the aliens. Jehovah’s Witnesses, homosexuals, lesbians. I wouldn’t be too sure about the Muslims, though I don’t object to them myself, you understand. You just can’t be too...
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“Ah yes, good evening. Can I order for collection? Thanks. I’d like one no.39, please — egg foo yung. One no.73 — the kung po chicken. Two 137’s — that’s the extra special fried rice with extra rice...
View ArticleThis isn’t a comedy quiz show, is it?
“Well, I — I — I — I, gosh, Mayor. I’m the mayor. The mayor of London. Like Dick Whittington. How absolutely. Yes. London. Great city. Cradle of — of — of — of — something great. Not sure what. But...
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“Conscience, my old chum, my bosom buddy, my pal, my confidant, my … so how the devil are you? And more to the point, where in the name of all that’s holy have you been, eh? Eh? Eh? I have been doing...
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